Sasquach or Lurch? The most pressing issue as we wait for the first debate is "Which Romney will show up?"
You all know how many times he's changed his position on virtually everything, so I'm not going to go through that list. Besides, he's done it so often I can't keep track any more. Thus there's no way to guess which Romney will show up at the debates in terms of substantive issues. In the issues, it's going to be a surprise party!
So let's get right to the most pressing question: Will he be Sasquach or Lurch in the debate? Sounds superficially silly? Well, Romney is a superficial man. And he's quite silly. He's just suggested that jet plane windows should open when, as just happened on his wife's plane, there is smoke in the cabin.
Actually, the Sasquach v. Lurch question is neither superficial nor silly. It gets right to the heart of things, i.e. Romney's upside-down polls on "likeability". More voters dislike him than like him, according to ALL the polls. Part of that - a big part - is that he's a jerk. And his walk and his body carriage telegraph that fact beautifully. If he could send just his supposedly handsome head out to campaign for him, minus the fake smile and dumb words, he might do better. But he's stuck with the weirdest physicality I've ever seen in 70+ years of watching candidates. He's the quintessial "tight ass", his steps are mincing, he leans forward obsequiously like a doorman the week before Christmas bonuses. He doesn't even have the fluidity to fall down the steps of an airplane (Gerald Ford) or off a campaign platform (Bob Dole). He's all clinched up. (Maybe he constantly needs a bathroom stop?)
In a previous post, I said he reminds me of Bigfoot, the mythological creature that folks are always seeing in the deep woods of the Northwest or - more recently - in the not-so-deep woods of eastern Ohio. Romney's got the same long, rectangular head, the same heavy (not fat) build, and a similar strange walk. But I have to apologize to Bigfoot. A reader in Oregon informs me his correct name is Sasquach. (Have to be politically correct at all times.) And Sasquach can MOVE fast when he wants to! I'd hate to see Romney try to run.
So is it going to be Sasquach who shows up? Or will Romney successfully hide his off-putting physical qualities behind a podium? If he's wise, he will. His physical awkwardness is killing him with voters. People like a president who looks and acts like he's physically put together okay. That's why FDR hid his crippled condition and JFK threw the football even with killer back pain.
So maybe Lurch will show up instead of Sasquach. After all, Romney has certainly lurched all over the place on his positions. You remember Lurch from "The Addams Family"? Cold and rigid but kindly, Lurch had a certain dignity. Romney doesn't have any dignity. And for all his fakey grinning and phoney laugh, no one would ever call him kindly. He tries to ACT that way but fails.
No, Lurch is a much more appealing monster than Romney. And so is Sasquach.
Aren't they all?
Hey, Mitt! Lurch and Sasquach have released their tax returns. So why are you hiding yours?