Saturday, October 29, 2011

GOP Treats for Halloween!

It looked for a while like this would be a disappointing Halloween compared to last year. No weird GOP candidate for Senate saying, "I am not a witch."

No New York GOP tough-guy-candidate for Senate offering to beat up a newsman.

No Crazy Lady Nevada GOP Senate candidate just being her crazy self.

I also miss the GOP ad in California with the sheep with glowing red eyes.

But it's going to be okay. Trick or Treat handouts from the GOP are plentiful this season of the silly. And the scary.

Mitt Romney doing so many turn-arounds on the Ohio labor legislation that his legs are wrapped around themselves like an advanced yoga-ist. (He IS an advanced yoga-ist, having turned around and around so many times on abortion, Romneycare, and  -  two days ago  -  climate change. Mitt's the only thing around that's changing faster than the climate!)

Rick Santorum lecturing on why a napkin is not a paper towel.

Herman Caen's main man blowing smoke at the voters in that fabulously funny ad. Got the smoker vote locked up!

Newt waddling in and vainly huffing through a terrific grilling by Bob Schieffer (the last real tv journalist) about how one gets half a million dollars in debt to a jewelry store.

Rick Perry stepping on his own (so-called) tax plan announcement by teaming up with Donald Trump to revive the "birther" thing. (It's not the "birther issue". There's NO issue. It's a thing!) And  -  oh, yes!  - Perry threatening Ben Bernanke with physical harm should he come to Texas. (Yeah, well, Perry ain't never seen Big Bennie's left hook!)

Donald Trump, wearing his hair as a year-round Halloween fright wig. And eating pizza with a fork!

Ron Paul letting people die on gurneys if they are not insured.

Michele Bachman being Michele Bachman.

Sarah Palin haunting the background and riding off at one point "to warn the British". Then handing us the real treat of the season by getting out once and for all from presidential contention.

Jon Huntsman being riotously funny in his daft belief the GOP has room for a candidate who doesn't drool on his tie.

Chris Chrisite reincarnating "Bobby" from "The Sopranos". But not as sweet Bobby but as a bad-ass blustery bully, as big and as belligerent as three NYC cab drivers put together. (My apologies to NYC cabbies. They're really mostly good guys. But this is the GOP season of hyperbole, and who wants to be left out?)

With a cast like this, who needs the usual Halloween tv old-movie menu of Boris Karloff, Peter Lorre, Vincent Price, Elsa Lanchester? Who even needs a chainsaw for a fright night massacre when the GOP candidates are massacring each other? Just pop the corn and pull up a chair, skip the old horror movies  and watch the GOPs on the news! It's as horror-fun as "Young Frankenstein".

To a Democrat, the GOP horrible hopefuls are especially a treat.

But should one of them get elected? BOOOOOOOO! We should be really scared!

And about that, I ain't kidding!

P.S. In spite of 2011's delicious treats, I kind of miss my old-time favorite:  Cheney shooting an eighty-year-old in the face. Those were the good ol' bad days for sure. You betcha!

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