At last, dear reader! You've been breathlessly awaiting it! And now it's been issued!
It's the special report from the GOP on how it's going to remake itself, called "Growth and Opportunity".
It should be called "How to Keep Shrinking and Going Backward with Ten Really Stupid Ideas." This report is so bad that even I am shocked. I keep thinking that the GOP is powerful and shrewd. But this report seems to point out yet again how dumb and desperate they are. And self-deluded.
GOP POINT ONE: "Sustain" the outreach to minorities.
What outreach? There actually isn't any GOP minority outreach to sustain so, without admitting this non-existence, the report suggests there should be one "connecting people to our policies." Hey, GOP, that's not how you connect with a community! You don't hitch them to YOUR wagon. You find out where they want to go! You RESPECT the people. You listen!
GOP POINT TWO: Recruit more minority candidates.
Yeah, like Herman Cain? He was loads of fun. Or Marco Rubio, with whom Hispanics DO NOT identify (see my prior posts). Or Canadian-born Sen. Ted Cruz, who knows he can never be president so opts for being obnoxious instead.
GOP POINT THREE: Have GOP candidates go on the Daily Show and other "youth demographics" media.
Oh, PLEASE, do just that very thing. And always do it before Thanksgiving so there's plenty of resulting mincemeat. (Note: again there's this GOP idea that you get a group by an empty gesture. This shows how disrespectful the GOP is of anyone who doesn't loll around country clubs and smoke $50 cigars.)
GOP POINT FOUR: Attack the Democratic candidates early and really hit them hard.
They weren't already doing this? What was all the "Muslim" stuff throughout 2008 and the birther stuff in 2009 and ever after? And what about Mitch McConnell pledging Obama would be a one-term president and making the pledge within moments of the 2008 election? Come on! You GOP are being so unfair to yourself. Take credit where credit is due. You are already doing a great job of mud-slinging!
GOP POINT FIVE: Create a new mobile voter registration project that makes it easier for people to register on-line.
WHAT! So you can deny them the vote when they try to exercise it! Oh, give us all a break! Before you GOP have any credibility on increasing voter participation you are going to have to repeal all those voter suppression laws you enacted.
That's all I can stand to go over in one sitting. The other five points are for next time. Believe me, they are worth waiting for. In fact, they definitely veer way into the pathetic.
At this rate the Whig party is definitely coming back.