Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Etch-A Sketch Romney While God Watches TV?

The GOP clown car is emptying.

Newt is talking mainly to himself after coming in fourth to Ron Paul in Illinois.

Ron Paul has disappeared. Probably under a bridge.

Santorum is talking about history, always a sign that someone is fading away into it.

Looks like all we're left with clown-wise is Mitt. But not to worry. Ol' Mitt won't let us down! Immediately after winning the Illinois primary, having spent lots more money that he needed to, he came through right on time. (He always follows a win with a morning-after dumb remark.) Or his campaign did, in the person of a Romney spokesman comforting us all by saying Mitt's far-right positions won't be a problem in the general election because Mitt would get a do-over when he gets the nomination. And the idiot didn't say this in a corner of some cocktail fund-raiser and get caught on an I-phone. He said it right out loud on CNN in front of God and everybody. And he went further. Delightfully so.

As he so memorably put it, nominee Mitt would be "like an Etch-A-Sketch". Just shake it up and everything changes.

"Shake it, shake it, baby! Shake it, shake it, Mitt!"

Now that is exactly what the GOP far-right has suspected all along! They must be deliriously happy to know they had indeed figured out Romney correctly. Of course, it's too late to do anything about it. The talking heads and Jeb Bush announced today that Romney has the nomination sewn up. So the far-right folks can relax now and stop dragging themselves to the polls. It's over.

Or is it? Will this laugh-out-loud Etch-A-Sketch admission fire up enough fury on the right to turn the tide against Romney in the remaining GOP contests? Or is it mathematically too late for Santorum in the delegate count for any resurgence on his behalf?

The answer to the first question is:  Only God knows.

The answer to the second question is:  Nobody knows.

The GOP nominating rules from the National Republican Committee are a mess. Nobody can figure them out. And the states each have their own sets of rules layered on, which seemingly include that it's okay to change primary vote totals whenever they feel like it. This whole crazy scene can be justified by two things. First, it gives Chuck Todd of MSNBC something to talk about, nice man that he is. And it's the pay-back of Mike Steele, the former RNC chair who was chased out of the job just because he ran up a $25 million debt for the party and let party dollars be spent at strip clubs. So now it turns out he left a going-away surprise present for the GOP: a revised set of nomination rules that no one can figure out.

Thus nobody really knows how many delegates Romney has or how many Santorum has.

And, frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

Let the GOP etch its sketches all it wants to. They've got a crummy candidate, be it Romney or be it Santorum. Ain't nothing can shake that fact!

I'm content just trying to imagine Mitt dancing to "Shake it up, baby!" Go, man, go!

Correction: Any implication in the above that God watches CNN is clearly out of order. He watches MSNBC. Religiously.    

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