Sunday, February 19, 2012

Romney in the Clown Car on Presidents Day

It looked like all the fun was going out of the GOP primary season with the departure of Herman Cain, Rick Perry and Michele Bachman. But not to worry! Romney to the rescue!

The jerk has decided to join the clown club. Or maybe he's just lost his mind? Or has no mind at all?

He's decided that it's important in this election year to tell us the "right height" for trees. He hasn't specified feet and inches, but he's found examples of exactly the right tree height. All we have to do is go to Michigan and see the trees there and we will know what the right height is for trees. (If we take our dogs along, strapped to the roof of the car, they too can benefit from the trees in Michigan.)

This tree information from Romney is meant to reassure Michigan voters that, this month only, Michigan is his true "home" just like New Hampshire was until its primary was over.  Not only are the trees in Michigan "just the right height", but the lakes are just right too. "The Great Lakes, of course. I love the lakes. And, and, and, and  [he sputters a lot, have you noticed?] there's all those little lakes, too, dotted around." Michigan overall is "just right" too, Romney happily assures us.

And then he laughs by SAYING the words "Ha Ha Ha". With a little pause between each "ha'.

This is the man who wants to be our president. Should he win, he will be in our living rooms for at least four years. That is as bad a result as the economic calamity his 19th century economic policies will bring us.

I can't face this.

George W. Bush was an idiot, but you could mute the TV and pretend he was a silent rendition of Alfred E. "What Me Worry" Neuman from the cover of Mad Magazine, to whom he bears a striking resemblance.

Merely muting Mitt doesn't work. You can still SEE he's SAYING "Ha. Ha. Ha."

It's Presidents Day weekend. I'll bet Washington and Lincoln never SAID "Ha. Ha. Ha." Can't we have a president we can respect? One that we can watch or listen to without contemplating a move to Australia?

Romney thinks voters will like him because he once wrote "Help" on a bridegroom's shoe in "Shocking Pink" nail polish. I will not repeat the entirety of this lame anecdote. You can watch Mitt telling it himself on some news clip while you give your cat a bath.

The man is feeble in his brain. He's gone beyond awkward jerk to demented. Chris Matthews thinks he's from another planet, but that's not fair to ET. ET knew how to stay on message: "Phone home". Romney doesn't even know where "home" is, veering away from message and across those lakes and into the trees (and those "crevasses" he loved in New Hampshire).

Listen to me, Mitt. Even though Michigan fondly calls its lower peninsula "The Mitten", your home is Wall Street, and your mucking around with a 1950s shade of nail polish and the height of trees is not going to change that. You are poster boy for the 1%.

And we don't want you talking to the Chinese or the Iranians on our behalf because you don't know how to talk. You have the mind of the 18-year-olds boys I knew at a Baptist College I weirdly attended for a brief time before going to Berkeley. Those guys thought stepping on each others' white buck shoes was hilariously daring and fun. So take your white buck shoes, Mitt, and your white a la '50s belt and take a walk.

As for the rest of you, PLEASE, have pity on this grandma! I can't spend my golden years looking at this demented, shallow, ignorant clown as our president. And I'm too old to move to Australia.

Don't let Romney win in November. Work hard for Obama. Please, oh please!

And lock up the nail polish!

P.S. Welcme to the new readers this month from India, Mexico, China, Moldova, Lithuania, Indonesia, and Hong Kong. And thanks to those from the other countries who have been reading along since last August. Good health to you all!

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